Bacon Festival!

So last night the news was on while I was eating dinner and I never really pay too much attention to it because it's more depressing than it is good news.  Honestly, it's usually just on for the extra background noise because of my massive loathing for the sound of chewing.  But while I was sitting there munching away on my roasted chicken I heard the anchor say something about a bacon festival.  Even just hearing the word bacon made my brain immediately zero in on the news and completely stopping everything else I was doing - including chewing.  A bacon festival?  Umm, yes please!!  I mean seriously, what an awesome idea!  Sure American's aren't the healthiest in the world but who cares!? It's bacon!  I practically freak when I get the chance to enjoy something with bacon in it.  Sure my fiance thinks I'm a tad off my rocker for it but come on....bacon.....need I say more?

So I intently listened to the rest of the news story and in Iowa they had a festival devoted to the treat, get this....tickets sold out within 4 minutes of being available.  Madness?  I'm thinking Spartan levels of madness here.  I had to do a bit more research to see if there was just the one in Iowa but turns out lots of places have them.  There is one coming up in Chicago, Illinois on April 9th that completely sold out within 30 minutes of tickets being available.....AND the wait list for a ticket is completely closed.  Can we say America loves bacon?  Heck, just thinking about bacon this much is clogging my arteries XD

There are so many things you can use bacon for it just boggles the mind!  It's essentially been made into everything as well....bacon ice cream, bacon chocolate, bacon piece just entirely dipped in chocolate, bacon vodka (still not sure if I'd venture in trying that one), bacon gum, bacon breath mints, bacon on burgers, sandwiches, pizza, bacon in our salad dressing and the list seriously goes on and on...did you know they have an entire section on Think Geek devoted to bacon?  It really is insane how much we love bacon.  But don't worry I'm right there with you my fellow bacon fiends.

NEW BUCKET LIST ENTRY - Attend A Bacon Festival

PMS Rage Meter

I think this topic is important for everyone, especially men, to be aware of.  No female likes to talk about "that time of the month" because let's face it, it's almost comparable to changing into a werewolf during a full moon.  We become big, irritable monsters that want nothing more than to rip anything and everything apart.  And trust me, not much sympathy is gonna happen for those who fall victim.  It's really nothing personal, it's just part of the process.

I made a lovely little meter of all the zones of the PMS routine.  Most of them you can pretty much figure out but a brief run down of the ones closer to the top might prevent massive slaughter if caution is taken.

I Will Eat You Zone - take caution if she is in this zone.  Ask her if she needs anything and if she says she's fine....then get awayyyy!  Far away...opposite end of the house away! You really don't want to accidentally provoke something that could have been avoided.  Her built up rage would be almost impossible to stop if triggered.  Also side note for those that are oblivious...and don't feel too bad, I have friends that do this to me all the time...don't ask a million times if she is doing ok and if she needs anything.  Once, max of twice, is enough.  Repetitive questions is an instant rage trigger.

You Life is in Danger Zone (I am aware it should be "your life is in danger" but my friend shouted one time "you life is in danger, man!!" and I found it hilarious so I always call this stage "you life is in danger") - This stage is basically when you messed up and you are getting attacked,  often literally...hopefully not with super heavy/sharp objects.  The only thing you can do is surrender in hopes she stops her fit.  Try not to get mad back because she will just fire back with even more rage and you will most likely end up in the final stage...My fiance has learned the best remedy for this stage if he finds himself caught up in my insanity is a peace offering of ice cream and a backrub.  Backrubs are a God sent I swear....works for me every time.  I can be ready to destroy everything and shoot lasers from my eyes but if I get a backrub....i fall back down to the mostly calm zone reaaally quickly.

Already Dead Zone - the names explains it all.  You lost, you be dead!

Your Friend the Dentist?

So I had a dentist appointment yesterday and I'm not one of those people that have mega phobias of the dentist or anything but I don't exactly look forward to the bi-yearly trips either.  On the plus side though I did get to leave work an hour early and who doesn't enjoy that!  Of course it just involved me zooming down the road to go home and brush my teeth to death, shed work clothing for my beloved jeans, and hit the road again so I wouldn't be late.

Don't get me wrong, I like my dentist.  They're cool people and I can hold conversations with them...well for the most part.  I don't really do well when I'm actually having my teeth worked on and the dentist starts asking me a million questions that require responses, all the while having really sharp objections in my mouth.  I'm almost certain they do that for their own entertainment.  Try and provoke you to say hilarious words that sound ridiculous with things in your mouth (yeaaah that sounds bad sorry...or not sorry..whichever)

Back to the subject of sharp objects....I'm pretty sure a requirement for being a dentist is you need to be slightly sadistic.  When he was doing that scrapping this I was pretty sure he was trying to pull my teeth out.  It felt like that episode in Being Human where Aidan bashes that guys teeth out...fun stuff right?  I hope I didn't spoil an episode for you if you're a follower of the show....if I did.....um..I love you?  I'll have to send some love to the show in another rant (it'll be a good rant though).  But back to the original topic of sadistic dentists....after he's done bashing my teeth with metal and the only taste in my mouth is the lovely metallic taste of blood is when he process to tell me my teeth are in fantastic shape!  THEN WHY DID YOU TRY TO DIG MY TEETH OUT IF THEY'RE FANTASTIC?!  Oh wait I forgot that annoying step of that crunchy, pastey stuff they put on your teeth after the gouging process.  For some reason it always makes my toes curl when they're putting it on my teeth...hate that stuff.....